Ma'i e kala mai ia 'u
by mustachey5
Summary: (Painful absolutions) 3rd in the Nalu Pumehana one shot series. Kono trys to recover from the break down of the relationship and find her way again. What a shame that fate has other plans


Hello! This is installment number three in the Nalu Pumehana series! This is based on another coeur de pirate song called Fondu au Noir (fade to black) The last little bit kind of runs parallel to the next installment - bit of time overlap going on, but you'll see! Thank you all for all your reviews it means so much!

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_Ma'i e kala mai ia 'u - painful absolution_

* * *

_Dors, le mal est passé et tu entres dans la danse_

_Le pire de côté, ta revende en cadence_  
_Tu sèmes le bonheur à chaque pas que tu fais_  
_Et à ton réveil la vie reprend son train._

_(Sleep, the worst is over and you enter the dance_

_The worst aside, you sell yourself to the rhythm_  
_You sow happiness with every step you make_  
_And when you wake up, life continues)_

She tried to ignore him. To put him out of her mind. To forget the way they seemed to fit so perfectly together. She had to. She could barely focus at work, constantly aware of the flirting and not so secret hook-ups in the supply closet between him and Lori. She couldn't focus for the shroud of jealousy that clouded her vision and brought stinging tears to her eyes. Her and Lori didn't get on. Simple. There was something about her, aside from the whole stealing Steve thing- though she wasn't all that sure Steve wouldn't have found some other girl to break her heart with if Lori hadn't joined the team. No, there was just something about her that she didn't like, she couldn't put her finger on what, but there was something.

She watched them, she saw each dreaded work day as the two grew closer, the flirting more obvious, the shared smiles and 'subtle' touches lasting longer and longer. Unless she was very much mistaken she was watching him fall in love. She saw a gentleness in his way that he had rarely shown to her. He had been gentle and caring to her but nothing like this. She couldn't escape the way he seemed happier, lighter around her. She realised with an all too heavy heart , he doesn't need her to be happy the way that she needs him. He doesn't need her, he doesn't want her and she begins to question if he ever really did.

It hurts, she loved him, she still does, but what does that matter when he doesn't reciprocate the feelings. He's found his love in the pretty, blonde bombshell that she could never be. She stares at her reflection, the tanned skin , instead of her perfect, porcelain like complexion. The straight, dark hair instead of the soft blonde curls. Her plain brown eyes in place of the shimmering blue. She laughs pitifuly at her self that she ever believed she could match Lori's beauty. She wasn't self conscious, not normally. But she couldn't help but feel inferior to the woman who stole the heart she longed for.

* * *

_Dors le mal est passé, il te rattrapera pas_

_Le souffle coupé, tu n'es plus son appât_  
_Ta peine s'est fondue au délire des autres_  
_Qui oublieront bien vite que tu n'es plus des nôtres_

_(Sleep the sorrow has passed, it will not recapture you_  
_Breathless, you are no longer its bait_  
_your sadness is faded with the madness of others_  
_who will forget very quickly that you are not one of us)_

It's weird. That's the only word she can think of to describe it. Weird. It feels as if she is in a little bubble of invisibilty, in a dream like state. After the awkward start to her return she had settled back in, had been welcomed home , or so she thought. To begin with she thought she was imagining it , but as the weeks ticked by it became glaringly obvious. She was being sidelined. She was no longer partnered with Chin, chasing down leads, joining in the raids that gave her such an adrenaline rush. Instead, she ran the tech back at HQ, doing all the searches and checks, manning the computers. Don't get her wrong, she loved the tech side of the job, and she knew she was good at it - she was a techy nerd deep down, blame the X-box addiction for that. But she equally loved going out to chase down the leads she found, instead of being cooped up in the office. She had confronted Steve and asked him when he would let her out in the field and got the now usual response- she was completely blanked. She was over him, she kept telling herself, but it still hurt that he didn't even aknowledge her presence in a room. No greetings, no eye contact, no congragulations or thanks when she found a new lead. It was as if she didn't exist to him and that hurt, a lot. It wasn't just him though, Chin had not mentioned a word about the fact that he was now partnered with Lori instead of her. Danny too, when he was partnered with Chin so Lori and Steve could work together, never even seemed to notice the fact that it was always her staying behind. She tried to ignore it , she was good at running the computers- that must be why he's sidelining her. It's nothing personal. Anyway, Chin and Malia were engaged, she knew his thoughts and troubles were other wise occupied. Danny too, with Rachel and the maybe his, maybe not baby. She got it, she really did, they were wrapped up in their own genuine problems. It's nothing personal she kept telling herself, nothing personal.

Work didn't feel like home, it didn't feel like her 'Ohana. She felt out of place as she listened over the comms as the other four congragulated each other on a successful raid while she stood alone in the office staring at the computer table. Even when they'd gone to rescue Steve from Korea she had been left behind, she had been so terrified and desperate to find him, but as ever there were computers for her to man. She no longer looked forward to getting new cases, too learning, to the laughter in the group. She was no longer included in that, whether it was deliberate or not she wasn't sure. Either way, she was the spare part now. Steve was the leader, Danny and Chin both accomplished Detectives, and Lori, the incredible homeland security agent that could do no wrong. Then there was Kono, the rookie, the newbie even though she'd been out the academy a year. She was still the weak link, always would be, only now there was a replacement. An upgrade. She loved being a cop and she wanted to learn, she loved the team. She really did, even Steve and Lori despite the number the pair had managed to do to her heart. But it wasn't home. Not anymore. She didn't feel that buzz she did with surfing or in the academy or when she first joined the team. She hated it, the feeling of no longer fitting. She didn't want to leave, part of her hoped this was all a dream and she'd wake up, safely snuggled into Steve's side , these past months all just a nightmare. But no matter how many times she pinched herself, she never woke up.

* * *

_Certes tu passe comme de l'air, dans un monde sans musique_

_Dépourvu de tes nuances, un peu trop spécifiques_  
_Tu nages en douleur et il est presque temps_  
_De fermer les yeux, dans la mort qui t'attends_

_(For sure you're gone with the wind, in a world without music_

_Without your shades that are a bit too specific_  
_You swim in pain and it's almost time_  
_to close your eyes in the death that awaits you)_

Lori left. Was it wrong for her to secretly feel so happy? Not that she had anything against Lori... okay that was a lie. She was gone and the team were back to four, and then he left. He left for Japan, leaving nothing but a short note to Danny. That was it. A note. Clearly his communication skills were even more stunted than any of them had previously imagined. And then he was back, 2 weeks later with Wo Fat in tow as his only explanation. The warm hug he envelopes her in upon his return almost raises her hopes. But all too quickly they return to thr pattern they had before he left, where he ignores her and she does nothing about it. The relationship or lack there of between the pair is becoming more obvious to the other two. They are messing up the team and she knows it, it plays on her mind. All the events of the past 4 months clogging her brain up, distracting her, enough that she isn't quite paying attention until the chloroform stained cloth is firmly over her mouth and then all thoughts leave her. _  
_

She is dazed, the drug still affecting her. Her arms are bound as are her legs. The rope painfully tight. The tape over her mouth pulling on her skin. She whimpers when the thuggish man steps closer and roughly tips her over board into the now cool water. She thinks of her resignation letter that still lay on her desk at home. She wondered who would find it. She wriggles against her bounds, trying to loosen them but knowing they were too tight as she continued sinking further into the inky depths. She thinks of Chin, her family. She struggles again, desperately trying to free herself, fighting the panic that was rising. She knew this was it. No one was looking for her and by the time anyone started searching, it would be far too late. She fought the paniced scream that rose in her throat. She was strong, she wasn't going down without a fight, she was too young to die. Her struggling lessened until she stopped moving, silently drifting downwards, the burning in her throat and lungs an unimaginable pain. She had so many regrets, so many things she never had the chance to experience, so many dreams unfulfilled. Her thoughts drifted to Steve, her one big regret. Regret she had let him go and simply stood by. Regret that she had let him in the first place, that she had naively believed his tempting words. Regret that she had done nothing as he simply ignored her, ignored her existence. Her last thought as she closed her eyes and welcomed the silence, breathing in the salty water through her nose as she gave up her last breath to the awaiting darkness- Would he notice the fact the she was no longer there , or would he remain in his bubble where she currently didn't exist anyway? Would he care?

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The next installment will be up in a few days! I hope you liked it, please review! until next time! Aloha!


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